No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
