You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
