Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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