Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
