My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
