How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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