Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
