drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
