oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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