Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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