my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
