We're like a lot better than the average bears
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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