Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
