Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
