Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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