Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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