Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
