I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
