I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
