even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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