Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
