tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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