we made out on top of his cat.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
His hands were made for my vagina.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
