cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just sent this text using only my big toe
We need to rekindle our bromance
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
