I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
