so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
