if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
