I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
