just survived the first fart of the relationship.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
