is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
