Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
