the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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