I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I've blown a few things in my day
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
