flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
