You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You ruined the universe
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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