so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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