There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
