You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
