I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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