My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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