Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
