Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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