24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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