I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
