he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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