so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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