1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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