Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
