oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
