My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
