i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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