After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
