Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
